


Long Distance

by PrincessAmericaChavez



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Anxiety, F/M, Fjord (Critical Role) Has Issues, Fjord is oblivious, Jester has abandonment issues, Jester is worried, Long-Distance Relationship, Longing, Magic, Mutual Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 05:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15767865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAmericaChavez/pseuds/PrincessAmericaChavez
Summary: Set during episode 31. Fjord left without leaving a note behind, luckily a little someone has a trick under her sleeve to make sure he's alright.





	Long Distance

Everything seems better once Fjord makes up his mind. Having something to  _do,_ an actual goal to seek rather than just sit around and wait for answers, helps ease the nervous energy that’s been boiling inside him ever since they left the Iron Shepherds behind. Without a moment to spare, he packs his things up and hits the road, feeling high in spirits and with a  _purpose_ for the first time in weeks. 

It’s only after several hours moving that a voice in his head —quite literally— reminds of a little detail he forgot: 

_**Fjord! Are you okay? We can’t find you. Where are you? Can you reply? Make noises if you’re in trouble! Or let us know because** _

“Shit.” Jester sounds panicked and about to start crying. “Jes, I’m so sorry. I forgot to tell you. I’m going away for a few days. I’m fine. I promise.”

It feels odd, like he’s talking to himself, especially when his words are only received by the road’s silence. He worries maybe he did it wrong and she didn’t get the answer. Shit, how is he going to let them know he’s alright? He should’ve let a letter or something. 

Thankfully, Jester’s voice returns to his head. This time it sounds smaller, still a little shaky:

_**Oh. Okay. Well. You’re coming back, though, right?** _

Fjord feels his heart break a little at Jester’s hesitation. 

“Of course, Jester. I promise. It’s just going to be a few days. There’s something I need to do. Then I’ll be back.”

He gets no answer this time. He waits for it, but it doesn’t come. His stomach turns with guilt —a feeling he’s grown familiar with the past months— and he fights off the impulse to turn his horse around and head back to Zadash. He can’t do that. Not now that he has a goal. With a heavy sigh, he pushes on, hopes the others will understand.

* * *

The thing about traveling alone is that it’s nerve-wrecking. There’s no one to keep watch if you want to sleep, so Fjord barely closes his eyes through the night, listening carefully for any cracking branch or whispered word in the dark. In the back of his head, he keeps waiting for the Iron Shepherds to show up again, even knowing they are death. He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

That’s why when a loud voice wakes him up in the morning, his first instinct is to summon the falchion out and wave it around at thin air:

_**Hi, Fjord! How are you? Are you okay? Because you are traveling alone and that can be very dangerous and I just wanted to make** _

“Jeez, Jester! You scared the hell out of me!” Fjord groans, feeling his heart beating frantically in his chest. “I’m fine. Also didn’t get that last part.”

_**Oops! Sorry. I forgot. Okay okay that’s good. We are just hanging around and shopping here. We miss you.** _

Fjord sighs and shakes his head. “Yeah. Miss you too,” he huffs, standing up. He does not regret missing their shopping trip, it’s never been his favorite thing anyway. This is better, even as he’s sleep deprived and exhausted. This is good.

* * *

The third day, he gets up at dawn after another sleepless night, and hits the road early. Jester’s voice catches up to him when he’s already moving along. 

_**Hey Fjord! Are you still okay? Maybe you shouldn’t be traveling on your own for so long you know because the roads can be very** _

“I’m fine, Jester,” he rolls his eyes, even if she can’t see him. “Don’t worry about me.”

_**Alright. But how will you let me know if you have a problem? Can you cast message too? We should really come up with a** _

He can hear the panic raising in her voice as the sentence moves on.

“Jes,” he sighs. “I’m alright. Really. I can take care of myself.”

As he should’ve done all along. As he should’ve been doing when they were taken. If he hadn’t forgotten how to look after himself, maybe none of this would have happened. **  
**

_**Well… okay if you say so! Just in case I’m gonna keep checking in with you, okay?** _

Relieved that no one can see him, Fjord smiles softly.

“Yeah, okay. Thank you, Jester.”

He can watch out for himself, but there’s something nice about having someone else that cares. It’s an unfamiliar feeling.

* * *

It catches him by surprise the next morning, as he’s having breakfast at the inn he spent the night at. 

_**You know, it’s a Little boring around here right now. Beau and Caleb went on a monk retreat and Nott has been working on something** _

_“_ A monk retreat?”

Jester’s voice is so familiar, and it sounds so close, that his still half-asleep brain for an instant thinks she’s sitting by his side. He does a double take on the empty chair next to him when he remembers she’s not.

_**Yes! Well something like that. I think Caleb wanted to see the library and Beau is probably doing cool monk stuff, you know? Like kicking** _

“Well, that’s interesting. I’m sure they’re both learning quite a bit. It’s a good way to spend our down time.”

_**Yeah it’s nice, I guess, but I miss them and you’re gonne too and that kinda sucks.** _

The shortness of that last message catches Fjord off guard. He frowns to himself, wishes he could see Jester’s face right now to figure out whether she’s alright with half of the party being away. She keeps telling them she’s used to being on her own, but he doesn’t think she particularly  _likes_ it.

“It’s alright,” he says, “I’m sure the time’ll pass by before y’all even notice.”

He gets no answer, and it leaves him feeling a little uneasy for the remainder of the day.

* * *

_**Hey Fjord! Just wanted to say good night and make sure that you are okay. Everything is still boring here but Caduceus and I were** _

He nearly falls off his horse when Jester’s enthusiastic voice rings in his head like a bell, and begs to whatever god is listening that Jester doesn’t get to hear the startled high-pitched sound that leaves his throat.

“ _Jester,”_ he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Word limit.”

_**Oh, sorry. Nott and Caduceus and I were thinking of going shopping tomorrow again. We wanna get some diamonds, you know? Just in case we** _

“That sounds like a good idea,” Fjord nods. “It’ll be good to have them as back up. Just in case. Good thinking, Jester.”

He gets no new message, so he sighs and pushes on. His search so far has lead nowhere, so it’s good that at least his friends are doing other useful things in their down time. It’s very good, actually. He should be happy about it. Instead, an uneasy feeling knots inside his chest. He should be doing  _more._ Why does it feel like he’s just wasting his time again? Floating around aimlessly?

* * *

Fjord reaches the empire’s border by the end of the sixth day, tired and frustrated and in a terrible mood. He got no answers. All this traveling, and he got no damn answers about Sabien or Bandran or whatever keeps lurking in the shadows in his dreams. He’s like an aimless ship, just floating around. Ever since he started this trip, ever since leaving Port Damali, what’s it even been for?

He stares at the gates with a scowl, wanting to damn the day he crossed them in the first place. 

He could go now, just leave and risk the road on his own. He could just go home and deal with whatever the hell is going on on his own, as he’s always done. 

That’s when a familiar voice reaches him, quieter than usual, almost hesitant: 

_**Hey Fjord! How is your trip going? I really miss you. You are… you are going to come back right? Because I wouldn’t want to** _

Whatever darkness was taking over his mood relents instantaneously. He can’t leave just like that. He has friends, now. Friends who risked their lives to save him when they had no obligation to. Friends who are waiting for him to return. Friends who worry about him like no one ever has before.

“Hey, Jester,” he says gently, as he turns his horse around and heads back into town. “S’all good, but I miss y’all too. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon. I promised, remember?”

He doesn’t get a reply, but for an instant he’d  _swear_ he can feel Jester smile from afar.

* * *

Seven days of non-stop travel are exhausting as hell. Fjord reaches Trostenwald as the sun goes down and all but collapses in the same inn where they all met months ago. He tries his best not to get swept in by melancholy and guilt as he looks at the tables they all shared for the first time, instead choosing to call it an early night and hit the sack to avoid his thoughts turning grimmer than they already are. 

He’s nearly asleep when Jester’s voice rings in his mind. 

_**Hey Fjord. Are you still alive? Also, good night!** _

He should be annoyed by being awoken when he could finally rest, but instead Jester’s message startles a laugh out of him. It’s shortness, however, leaves him longing for a little more. Jester’s messages are the most he’s been talking the past few days (when not trying to extract information out of someone)

“Hey, Jester. Yeah, guess I am. Tired as hell, though. How about you? What’s everybody been up to while I’m gone? Bet you’re having fun with all the shopping and-”

_**Oh! I’m very very good!** _

Fjord blinks, startled. He forgot about the word limit.

_**You know, Beau and Caleb came back today and it was nice being all- well not all, we missed you** _

He feels his heart swell with warmth, in a way it hasn’t ever before, imagining his friends all sitting together. Maybe not here, where they started, but far away somewhere, laughing and drinking and surviving together. Molly’d be delighted. 

“Damn, I wish I was there right now. I’ll be back soon, though. The road isn’t the same without you. I’m in Trostenwald right now, actually.”

**_Oh, that’s so nice! We had some fun in Trostenwald, right? Aside from the crazy killer toad and all that? We met our friends!_ **

_“_ Yeah, we did,” Fjord smiles at the memory. “That was nice. Not that- uh, not that traveling with you wasn’t nice enough, but you know- it was also very nice.”

**_Oh Fjord!_ **

He feels his face burn at the way she swoons, and is grateful she’s not here to see it.

**_I really loved our alone-time too, you know! We could do more of that, if you want. I’d totally like to_ **

“Yeah, uh, right. Hum. Right. We can talk about that later. Or not. We’ll see. Uh. Good night, Jester.”

Damn, he’d forgotten how quickly she can get under his skin. Twenty-five word limit and she’s still making him feel like a blushing child. 

* * *

_**Fjord did I tell you about the axe that Pumat Sol is making for me? It’s gonna be so cool!** _

“Uh,” Fjord blinks distractedly at the in-keeper he was in the middle of a conversation with. “Sorry. One moment.” He turns around and walks outside, where others will not think he’s just talking to himself. “No, Jester,” he finally sighs, “you didn’t. But, look- I’m in the middle of something right now, maybe you can tell me later.”

_**Well it’s just gonna do extra damage. I wanted one that would make people dance but it was too expensive and he said instead he** _

“That sounds very interesting,” he says, distractedly, “you can tell me more about it when I get back. Gotta go, now, though.”

He gets no answer. With a heavy sigh, he shakes his head, recomposes his expression and walks back into the inn with a smile. 

* * *

_**Oh my god, Fjord! We had so much fun today! We went to the Platinum Dragon temple and then we sneaked in in disguise and** _

“Why did you go to the Plati-”

_**So we are in there and then they come back with a bunch of crowns guards and they started chasing us so I tried to** _

Shit. 

Fjord pulls at the reigns of his horse to a complete halt, feeling his heart skip a bit when Jester mentions getting in trouble with crowns guards. 

“ _Jester!”_ He groans, cursing the fact that the damn word limit won’t let him hear the rest of the sentence and she’ll probably not even notice until-

_**Charmed all three of them and convinced them I wasn’t me and then I made a lot of mirror images and ran away and they** _

“Wait. Jester. Stop. Okay? Stop. Is everyone alright? What happened? Did you guys get caught?”

**_Fjord, weren’t you listening to me? Of course we didn’t! We are very good at this. We got away and technically nobody got hurt, technically._ **

“Technically? Jester, seriously, I know you get a kick out of this stuff, but you gotta be careful. I’m not around to bail you out right now, and gods know Beau and Caleb aren’t the best at dealing with Crowns Guards and what if Nott had gotten caught? Or someone had been hurt? Why would you do this when I’m not around to help?”

Fjord realizes he went well over the word limit half way through ranting, but he doesn’t stop. If anything, he’s glad Jester doesn’t get to hear all of his worry and guilt and how much it’s weighting on him at the moment that he wasn’t there to look after her and Nott when they got in trouble. 

He should’ve been there. Why did he even left?

He waits for an answer for a long while before it hits him that Jester must have ran out of spells after four sendings. Dammit.

* * *

He wakes up to Jester’s message early in the morning as the sun is rising in the sky.

_**Hi Fjord! Just checking in. We are all still here just… hanging out.** _

It’s short and half-hearted and it makes Fjord’s stomach twist, but the ghost of worry and anger that’d weighed on him yesterday still lingers enough for him to remain stoic.

“That’s good, Jester. All good in this end.”

He gets no answer. His tent feels suddenly colder, too quiet for the chaos and fun he’s grown used to the past several weeks. With a heavy sigh, he stands up and begins picking his things up. He wants to get to Zadash as soon as possible.

* * *

Fjord doesn’t hear from Jester today. 

He expects another early morning message as he picks up his camp, but no voice breaks through his thoughts before he hits the road. 

He catches himself expecting to hear from her as he treks through the roads of the empire, missing the constant chatter that’d filled their early days together as they made their way through the Menagerie Coast, but the woods are silent and lonelier than ever. 

By the time night falls, the uneasiness in his stomach has turned into a knot so heavy that, for a moment, he thinks maybe he can finally feel the eyeball that’s supposedly inside him but no, it’s no magical rock what’s making his guts twist painfully as he sets up camp, it’s the absolute silence that’s filled his day. 

He tosses and turns in his sleeping sack for hours, fighting sleep off in hopes that the message will eventually arrive, until sleep knocks him out in the early hours of the morning.

His dreams are as uneasy as his vigil.

* * *

**_Oh my god!_ **

Jester’s voice wakes him up, loud and clear, and he all but jumps to his feet —tripping on his sack, mainly— summoning his falchion as his heart beats full speed and his veins fill with determination.

**_Fjord, hi! How are you? I totally fell asleep yesterday and I forgot to message you but I didn’t forget you we_ **

Relief hits him like a ton of bricks. Fjord’s body goes boneless as he drops back on the tent’s floor, trying to catch his breath.

“Hi, Jester,” he groans with resignation. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Didn’t really notice,” he lies, and immediately regrets it. “Well, kinda did expect you to call, but it’s fine. Really. Everything okay?”

**_Oh yeah, we’re all good. Actually, yesterday was a lot of fun because we all went together to this very cool bar and then we_ **

Still recovering, Fjord sits on the floor and waits, knowing she’ll eventually realize she needs to recast the spell.

_**And it was so funny you should’ve seen it! Beau couldn’t stop laughing and Caleb kept trying to read even if he couldn’t see much** _

Even though he doesn’t know most of the story, the joy in Jester’s voice as she tells it makes him laugh.

**You would’ve really really loved it! I wish you’d been here!**

_“_ I wish I’d been there too,” Fjord admits with a smile. “I’m just about two days worth of travel away, now. So I’ll see y’all soon.”

He gets no answer, but that’s okay. Just one more night and he’ll be back with his friends.

* * *

This time, he’s expecting Jester’s voice (he never knows when it’ll come but he’s always ready). He smiles as it comes in with it’s familiar sweet as candy tone.

_**I didn’t tell you the other day but I saw the Traveler and he’s cool and we are good again and he still likes me** _

There’s a lot to unpack there. Fjord frowns a little as he thinks it through. He still has a hard time understanding Jester’s relationship to her deity, and even harder believing that a god would show up just like that to have a conversation with someone… but it’s the last part that catches his attention. 

“Of course he likes you, Jess. You said he’s your best friend, isn’t he? What made you think he didn’t?”

_**Well I thought he hadn’t come to help us in the dungeon but he did we just couldn’t see him and then he said he** _

Fjord scowls again. He’s not sure how he feels about Jester’s god having been there the whole time. Better? Worse? Angry? Bitter? He wants to ask why he didn’t do anything, but it feels like it’d be out of place.

“That’s interesting. You did mention he’s probably invisible most of the time,” he offers. “I’m glad y’all are good again.”

_**We are also going to put together a reunion of other Traveler followers next year and it’s gonna be so much fun, Fjord! I can’t** _

“Oh, damn,” Fjord laughs as he jumps off his horse and hands it over to the stable boy of the inn, “I’m not sure Zadash could handle more than one of you at a time. You’re quite an agent of chaos, Jester.”

 ** _I know! That’s what he said, too!_** Jester sounds delighted.  ** _Imagine all the fun things we could do if we all got together!_**

 _“_ That’s what I’m afraid of,” Fjord chuckles, as he walks through the door. “Can’t wait to hear all about it. Why don’t you come down stairs and tell me more?”

Fjord swears he can hear Jester’s distant delighted squeal three floor above as she gets his message. It’s weird, to hear her with his ears rather than his mind. A good kind of weird. 

Waiting for the impending storm of a tiefling to arrive, he orders a glass of whiskey and a glass of milk and joins Beau and Caleb at their table. They greet him with a genuine smile and ask how his solo trip went.

“Oh, you know, it wasn’t so bad. I had some pretty good company.”


End file.
